I had a friend a long time ago tel me something that rang so true- however at times I forget it when I need to remember it most. She talked about how most of our anger and frustration came from fear- fear of losing something, fear of pain, fear of unknown.

We have had some unusual stress in our life. It seem like everything that could go wrong- has gone wrong. Cars breaking down, new house issues, kids out of whack, and some enormous financial pressures. As a result my husband and I have been bickering- a lot.
Today I say down and really though hard about how to fix where we are at- blaming each other- hurt feelings, sniping, bitterness and the rest. I just can’t seem to make it right and I think the thing my husband needs most is something I don’t want to give him. He needs me to validate him- telling him he is doing the “right” thing, be proud of some sacrifices he feels he is making.
If it were my children I wouldn’t think twice about it. I can;t even give my husband the same accord I would give my kids. Why?
The way he is reacting to pressure is with anger, Lots of sniping and criticizing and more. Is it anger? I though so until it donned on me that the anger he feels is at himself. He is afraid. The fear of letting us down- letting me down. Fear that he isn’t a good enough husband or father or fear he may fail. This in turn comes out in burst of anger .
And my reaction- well it has been tor react. How is this working for me? It isn’t. Makes him feel worse and even more of a failure and it escalates. If this were happening with one of my children I could see it clearly- but I just didn’t see it in my husband.
I will remember this over the next days and weeks and try not to react to the anger and work on seeing his fears.