Homeschooling Times

we went for sailing lessons today- at least DD did.. DS wasn’t old enough so he got to hang out with me at Costco. Whoopee. Actually- he had a pretty good time. I cannot get over the different dynamic there is when i have just one child with me. I really ENJOY them/ I feel less like referee or arbiter of all that is fair in the world- who got the bigger sample of cheesecake or the purple gummy bear , etc.

So at Costco he got to have a whole chicken fingers and fries to himself- and learned he didn’t need a whole one anyway.
He got all my samples … was his lucky day they were giving out dubble bubble bubble gum and a whole tootsie pop. Made up for the brie last week.
We had a nice time chatting- very relaxing not have 2 different conversations at the same time. I didnt realize how stressful it is for me to hold two entirely different conversation with 2 people at the same time. no wonder my brain hurts. Was pleasant hearing what my 4 year old had to say without being interrupted by older sibling- and better was the no shreiking for my attention.

I am not sure what I learned from this- I know I like to spend one on oe time but what is happening when we are al togehter that makes it so stressful? Why is it the tree of use will be in a room for an hour an dwhen I get up to go to the bathrrom all hell breaks loose?
What message is being given>? Does he like to stir up trouble when I am gone? Done she provoke him? Does my presence do something?
I wonder because I would like to have some of the peace I have when it is just 2 of us and have it translate over to when there are 3 of us.

I had a friend a long time ago tel me something that rang so true- however at times I forget it when I need to remember it most. She talked about how most of our anger and frustration came from fear- fear of losing something, fear of pain, fear of unknown.

We have had some unusual stress in our life. It seem like everything that could go wrong- has gone wrong. Cars breaking down, new house issues, kids out of whack, and some enormous financial pressures. As a result my husband and I have been bickering- a lot.
Today I say down and really though hard about how to fix where we are at- blaming each other- hurt feelings, sniping, bitterness and the rest. I just can’t seem to make it right and I think the thing my husband needs most is something I don’t want to give him. He needs me to validate him- telling him he is doing the “right” thing, be proud of some sacrifices he feels he is making.
If it were my children I wouldn’t think twice about it. I can;t even give my husband the same accord I would give my kids. Why?
The way he is reacting to pressure is with anger, Lots of sniping and criticizing and more. Is it anger? I though so until it donned on me that the anger he feels is at himself. He is afraid. The fear of letting us down- letting me down. Fear that he isn’t a good enough husband or father or fear he may fail. This in turn comes out in burst of anger .
And my reaction- well it has been tor react. How is this working for me? It isn’t. Makes him feel worse and even more of a failure and it escalates. If this were happening with one of my children I could see it clearly- but I just didn’t see it in my husband.
I will remember this over the next days and weeks and try not to react to the anger and work on seeing his fears.